This morning while I was walking to work I saw 5 runners out and about. That’s no more than I normally see, but for some reason today I was extremely aware of them. And I felt so damn jealous. One girl in particular was absolutely cruising, with perfect form, and she looked so happy it made my heart hurt. Between getting accepted into the Boston Marathon, the perfect autumn weather, and some emotional stress the past week, I’ve been absolutely aching to go for a run. I actually day dream about the day when I can wake up before the sun, lazily drag my butt out of bed, lace up and head out the door. I’m craving that feeling of being so physically exhausted (the type of exhaustion you can only get after a long, hard run) that thought of getting off the couch just to go to bed is unbearable. I can’t wait until my legs feel constantly tight and touching my toes is no longer a possibility. I want to run so badly I’m convinced that dying of a broken heart has to be a real thing and I’m at risk.
When I got into work this morning, with an especially heavy heart, I started looking at all of my photos from the Providence Marathon, my Boston qualifier. This one is my favorite.
It was taken by my old roomie (who surprised me that morning at the hotel I was staying in in Providence) probably about a half mile away from the finish line. S hopped in to run with me (for the 3rd time during that race) and the first thing I said to him was “I think I’m going to vomit” followed by “I’m going to make it. I’m going to qualify.”
I remember feeling so terrible for the last 6 miles of that race—I hit the wall so, so hard. I was convinced at mile 23 I wasn’t going to make it. By mile 24 I looked at the time and realized that I could. That realization comes through quite clear in my Garmin stats too. I went from an 8:31 pace, to a 7:51 pace, and my 26th mile was done in 7:36. The last .2 was at a 6:53 pace. And even though I distinctly remember wanting to lie down and die somewhere around mile 25, I would do just about anything to feel that way again. Because I knew at that time I had given it absolutely everything that I could. And I hope, that come April 18th, I can again.